So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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