You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
