Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
