I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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