I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
