this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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