just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
