I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
