OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
