he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
