I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
