Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
