Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
