I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
