You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
