i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
