Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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