I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
