But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
