so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
