I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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