I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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