You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
