I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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