Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
