haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
