Rock
Scissors
Fuck
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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