he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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