Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
