i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
