Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
