She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
