respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
