He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
