ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
