I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
