I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
jump out the window naked night went bad
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
