I bet he comes in French.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
