I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
