I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
