went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
