Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
