I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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