now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
