i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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