The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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