I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
