I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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