I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
