So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
