apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
