I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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