i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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